Monday, June 17, 2013
06/07 First Friday and it's supposed to rain all day… I have no energy left. I get to the BF around 5 and all I have to do is hang the artist statement/price signs for my exhibit. I am anxious... I NEVER like to push time but I honestly want the night to be over before it even starts. As I hang the signs, one of the other BF artists comes up to me and after complimenting my work, suggests that I should have shown more of the process of my creating it. (Which WAS part of my original plan) I tried to explain that I'd taken hundreds of photographs and written over a dozen blog posts... I could have created a larger physical exhibit with the prototypes and prints from along the way, but I could only do so much. The documentation exists. If she doesn't sell during my featured month, I can always do a larger exhibit at another location.
I've done SO MUCH up to this point but I'm still pissed that I didn't do more. I didn't get the chance to work on The Six as much as I would have liked - I wanted to tell their backstory - they were going to have names after the helpful guardians in my life.
It's hot in my studio and downstairs in the entrance to the Banana Factory as well. The lobby is crowded with tables and a vendor is offering free food samples. Standing along the wall, I have sweat rolling down my back. I do my best to interact with anyone who stops to look at my work. Friends come through the door and it makes me very happy. Nan, who is about to have both her knees replaced, hobbles in on a cane and it makes me want to cry. My good friend Deb shows up with her friend Donna - the one with the amazing laughing smile which makes me forget about all the stress, if only just for a moment. A man walks through the front door and I catch his eye as he moves through the crowd. I look away, then back again. I don't know him, but he's looking at me. He walks up to me and it dawns on me that this is someone I (barely) new in JUNIOR HIGH that I became Facebook friends with in 2008. I had not seen, nor spoken to him in almost 30 years. He'd been clicking the "maybe" button on every event I'd posted in the last 5 years and tonight was the night he finally showed up. (All this time I though he was just being nice) This for some crazy reason, really touched me. I'm guessing it has something to do with my self confidence because deep inside, I am still the amazingly awkward little girl I was in 7th grade who was constantly ridiculed, threatened, shoved, books knocked from her hands while walking home… All I really remember about Scott was that he was nice to me, unlike the other boy who spit fruit salad in my face because I was "annoying" him.
I won't lie, it feels pretty darn good when people from your past show up to see where you are now. I think in some strange way, it allows for healing to take place. (It *definitely* allows for healing to take place.)
Many more friends came to see my exhibit that night but I expect it might have been better had it not been raining all day and all night - though with my energy so low, I'm not sure I could have handled much more so in my eyes, it was perfect. (I also sold 5 pieces out of my studio that night!)
06/10 Sitting in my studio feeling the post big project blues...
06/11 I forget sometimes, the necessity of being gentle to myself. I can only afford to spend excessive amounts of energy when I've built up the resources to do so. I'm discovering that I am so much more a workaholic than I'll likely ever admit - often feeling guilty if I take time to do something that isn't connected to my "work."
06/12 On an emotional roller coaster. Artmaking created through heart and spirit isn't over when its over. Every step of the process connects me to my highest self yet often leaves me feeling vulnerable and alone. It is hard to look at the exhibit because it feels as though I've abandoned her.
06/14 Having completed "She is (I AM) Light", I now have a deeper understanding that to best serve both myself and the world around me, I must continue to express my creativity in a fearless manner. Knowing that these actions are guided by my highest self, I may not always understand the "why" and that's ok. I am safe in knowing that my work is being done for a greater good.
06/17 Much love and thanks to all who have taken the time to partake in this journey with me. I know "her" journey isn't over, but the story is for now.
My exhibit "She is (I AM) Light" is on display (with each piece available for purchase) in the lobby of The Banana Factory, 25 W. 3rd St in Bethlehem, PA until July 2nd. You may view the exhibit at any time the building is open to the public. M-F 8am-9:30pm Sat/Sun 8:30am-5pm
View the Facebook Event for the ongoing exhibit here: https://www.facebook.com/events/137627039767940/
*Note that I do not keep regular studio hours but if you contact me prior to visiting, I will do my best to accommodate a private showing of the exhibit or of my work in general. It never hurts to pop upstairs to see if I'm in. (Studio #250) .
Friends both old and new show their support on First Friday.
A series of in-progress pictures of this exhibit's creation can also be found on Flickr.