Wednesday, May 18, 2011
It may be of no surprise to some of you to know that I am highly critical of myself and get very frustrated when I am in any way limited with what I want to achieve. Over this last year I have encountered ginormous growth but am often at a loss every time I sit down and try to express myself (my feelings & emotions) with words. I get tongue tied and feel so scattered and it makes me want to cry. I want to share, I really do- but right now, I think it would be best for me to come to terms with the fact that it's ok to express myself in other ways. (I am not flawed because my methods of delivery might be shifting.) Through my art, music, speaking with people one on one or in a group. I'm not going to stop trying, and what I produce might be a little scrambled for a while but my main goal is to be gentle to myself when I am not accomplishing everything at the exact moment I want it. And no matter how much I want to share, or how much I feel I have to give, it is important for me to remember that regardless of what I choose to do, any expression should come from my heart and be first and foremost for ME or else it's inauthentic and of no real value to anyone else.
So today, I vow to be compassionate towards myself. I will be gentle and give myself a break. I will be loving and playful and not beat myself up over what I am not able to accomplish right now. I know it's in me. I know I will do it - because I believe in me.
It absolutely sucks to be this honest. But I know the minute I let it go, I will release the energy it takes to hold on to it and I will be free.....