Thursday, August 19, 2010
We are unfortunately, not all born with a bushel of self confidence tucked under our arms.
Since I have been a "learn as I go" kind of person, I've often undermined my own abilities by telling myself I must not dare call myself a writer, an artist, a teacher, or a musician...... That the moment I do, someone will come along and slap it out of my hands stating, "Who do you think you are? You don't know ANYTHING about THAT!"
And so I tried to play it safe.... I created over 1,200 mandalas but told everyone that they were simply personal expressions... (no, no - never art) That they were like these cosmic sneezes that just "Happened." In my mind, I'd think, "I'm just doodling.... How could doodling be considered art?"
I sometimes, (actually a lot of the time) have trouble trusting people, which in turn makes it difficult to trust in myself. Though there are one or two people out there, and when they speak, I listen. And it took one of them yelling in my face, "YOU CREATE ART. YOU'RE AN ARTIST!!!!!" for it all to start to finally sink in. I didn't really need anyone to tell me that my doodles were (or weren't) art, all it took was the action itself.
I create art, therefore I am an artist.
I write, therefore I am a writer.
I play music, therefore I am a musician.
I teach, therefore I am a teacher.
Though I may not (yet) be a master in any of those categories, I understand that I do not need to achieve any particular level of mastery to say that I am those things. Now if I want to be a GREAT writer, artist, etc., then it is up to me to seek out someone that can help me move forward with my abilities and give me honest feedback towards achieving my goals.
I think a lot of this self confidence BS comes because someone along the way told us that we couldn't do something, or be something. They laughed at us, mocked us - it made them feel good to suppress our desires - maybe because someone did it to them. We weren't strong enough at the time to tell these people to f*ck off and we instead internalized their words. We started to believe what they said to us or about us, and that is just horrible because it can cause such heartache and stagnation and missed opportunities...
But now is the time to throw that heavy blanket off and allow ourselves to grow towards the sun. Know that your world is open to infinite possibility and that all you have to do is believe in yourself. I am what I am, now you go and be all what you be. :o)