Friday, May 21, 2010
My elementary years started in parochial school, having attended 1st, 2nd & the beginning of 3rd grade there. I never went to kindergarten and was enrolled directly in 1st grade at the age of 5. I was a tiny little thing back in 1st grade - so small that I had to have a school uniform custom made to fit me. I had a difficult time acclimating to school and also making friends. Many of the children came from well-to-do families and as I did not, it often made it hard for me to relate to them.
I can remember being terrified of the nuns and priests that taught at the school. I always felt that they were some how "above me" but not necessarily in a spiritual way. Each day as I went to school, I'd feel bombarded with feelings that I was "less than" everyone else around me.
To enter the school, there were about 8 wide steps leading up to a series of heavy doors. For a pipsqueak like me, those doors weighed 10 tons and it was a struggle for me to open them on my own.
One day during recess, I climbed those steps to go back inside and as soon as I managed to get the door open, the air pressure from inside pulled it closed which knocked me down and somehow, my foot got caught in the door. Laying on the top of the steps screaming for help, children on the playground not 50 feet away, no one comes to help. I can see them staring at me. I am lying on my backside with my foot caught in the door and no one will help me. I wiggle and squirm until I finally manage to pull my foot free......
I have begun to slowly work my way though the book Seth Speaks, one of a series of books in which Jane Roberts channels an entity named Seth who provides some profound information about life. One of the concepts that Seth talks about is that there is no past, present and future - that each is happening simultaneously. As this is an idea that I resonate strongly with, I decided to do some emotional healing work by imagining I am sitting with myself at a younger age and coaching her through some trouble spots as if she were my little sister. In my mind, If I can give her strength to move through difficult situations and all of this is happening on the same time line, the information I provide to her will affect who I am now.
Thinking about that little girl laying on the ground, crying over her foot being stuck in the door, I created the mandala above while imagining me sitting next to her after she freed her foot with no assistance. I told her not to feel bad that no one helped, but to embrace the fact that she freed herself, and how life is a series of events where that kind of persistence will be a blessing...